day-ja-voo
i keep wondering how im supposed to fix the mistakes ive made. ive been trying to take the intuitive to do the right things but it seems to fall through day by day. everytime i feel happy for once the overwhealming feeling of regret and dissapointment in myself seems to swallow me whole. i miss the life i had when things werent so difficult, when my mistakes didnt affect the overall outcome of my life. i wish i never had to deal with deaths in family, loss of friendships, and loss of trust from my loved ones. i dont know how long this will last but to me, atleast in my head, seems like these struggles will never go away. life is a hard thing to deal with and many people have it worse than me but i dont think anybody could really understand how ive been handling this. this stupid blog has been the only way to communicate with myself fully by using metaphors to depict what the fuck ive been through and to some people its nothing but a front, or joke. there was a point in my life when i wasnt crazy where i did think rationally but as the years go on i find myself questioning how i became such a monster. it all feels like time is running out not just for me but for everyone in this world and if i have to go out feeling like this to the last day than ive wasted a lot of time and hurt a lot of people. my peers keep telling me that i can fix everything and move on with my life but i just cant see it happening. my dreams and ambitions are diminishing because i feel like the world is giving up on me even though im trying to give it my all..
